307

I am sprung from you and likewise you have devoured me, I
melt in you since through you I froze.
Now you press me in your hand, now under your foot with
grief; for the grape does not become wine unless pressed.
Like the light of the sun, you have cast us on the earth, then
little by little carried us back in that direction.
We return from the body's window like light into the orb of a
sun, pure of sin and blemish.
Whoever sees that orb says, "He has become alive," and who-
ever comes to the window says, "So-and-so is dead."
He has veiled our origin in that cup of pain and joy; in the core
of origin we are pure, all the rest left behind like dregs.
Source of the source of souls, Shams-e Haqq-e Tabriz, a hun-
dred livers are on fire for you-- so how many kidneys?

from Mystical Poems of Rumi 2

Vintage Jenny & Francois Post (2011)

(REPOST. FOUND THIS RANDOMLY, I WROTE IT IN 2011. Touched today by its sweetness. I wanted to remind my self (today) that old interests, loves, passions have a way of seeping into the ground (water table of consciousness). They are never lost, but constantly circulated in that rich soil before growing up into the light again. Also, emotional to read about my initial experience with some of my most dearly loved wines (& winemakers...). Thanks for reading. xx

(from May 2011)
Anyone that knows me even a little is aware of my love of the "dark photo"... the pinpricks of light in a mostly dark frame, the partial illumination of dark profiles, the blurred candlesticks on the table, the windows lit at night like stage-sets. My technique has become decidedly shoddy. My teenage self would be most appalled that I shoot mostly 'digital' these days, and am not wielding heavy and obtuse camera equipment, large plates, liquid emulsion, or Civil War era photo technologies.

My childhood heroes Edward Steichen, Brassai, Steiglitz certainly gridded my early visual sensibilities, and to this day I still align my world onto a 2D black and white photographer's plane. My early days in Denver had me trolling old railroad tracks and peering into abandoned buildings with my camera, wearing my dad's old flannel coat and combat boots, I was always looking for the shot, the perfect crumbling facade, the darkest peeling paint wall. Sometimes I would be surprised, a sudden nostalgia of Christmas lights wrapped around a tree outside one night, the vast quietness of the old Union Square train station space high above my head. There was an self-enforced loneliness to these days, a built-in solitude, a serious focus, serious work.

In the ways of life, and accumulated experiences like stacked chrome slides, this earlier severity has thankfully morphed with more tactile, meaty, and live interests today. My sensibilities today have turned more towards the waxiness and polish of old Dutch still life oils, hanging rabbits, glowing apricots, feathered game birds. I am obsessed with taking photos of food and wine. I know that this comes out of older things, other places I have lived.


In Santa Fe, my favorite time of day was just at nightfall, driving around the curve on the highway that suddenly meant 'home'. In Seattle I tried to describe to my boyfriend why it made sense that our house was on a hill, because at night when all the lights went on it felt wild, (as I imagined it must have felt thousands of years ago, camped out on a plain, other fires surrounding and keeping danger at bay).

I still can't quite explain what I meant then, but I feel it, and am obsessed with what I have come to call the hinge between day and night, the fold-over point, the in-between moment that is neither, the in-between moment that breaks day to night.

Living in Marfa, TX last year I revisited my sunset shots, my oncoming night shots, headlights, train lights coming fast out of the dark. Now, as I feel my way around to a certain and specific life here in New York, as I feel my way through the lights and reflections of the wine world here, I realize that my photo days have never really left me. I take pictures of wine bottles to remember what I drank, I take pictures of wine in glasses to capture something bejeweled, something vibrant or deep in the color of it, the light through it, the candlelight surrounding it. I am aiming at more of an atmospheric record here. I want to create a sensitized image that has sound in it, clinking of glasses, movement of light and shade.

The difference now is that I want to be in the picture. I am impatient these days, there is too much good wine to drink, I don't have time to sit behind the lens arranging everything. I want to be a vibrational part of the scene, with my own colors and lights.

My friend Dawn recently asked 'what is it with all of these dark photos',,,, so here it is, long way round, but this: I am trying for the correct texture. I am trying at once to capture and to appreciate the thickness, the heaviness, the dense sweet atmosphere of a beautiful moment, a night, a time, a dinner. Last night's dinner with Jenny and Francois, and their beautiful natural winemakers, was one of those scenes.


The dinner: all of the remaining bottles grouped together on the table, low-light, French, English, hush, laughter. Some blessed person filled my glass with Els Jelipens 'white' X (but really an orange wine!). This was one of the most delicious wines I have ever had-- heady, orange peel, sugar-spice, beeswax. The beautiful winemakers (Gloria Garriga and Oriol Illa) make this wine by extended skin contact, and aging in beeswax lined amphorae (Penedes, SP). It was a bright spark of a moment in the night. They also poured a vertical of their reds (Sumoll/Garnacha), what kindness and generosity.

The Domaine Rimbert St. Chinian 'Mas au Schiste' 2007 was delightfully light-spicy, some fantastic gamey carignan, a gorgeous and thoughtful Loire red from Grange Tiphaine 'Clef de Sol' (Cab Franc/Cot) 2009 from 60 year old vines-- rich and deep but not cloying or chewy, very refined and beautiful (like winemaker Coralie Delecheneau who so eloquently explained the wine to me).

So, along with my Domaine de Deux Anes, the lights, the thickness in the room like family dinners, listening to my friend speak French to his neighbor, listening to people be quiet and drink wine, watching people that make wine drink it, thinking about small vineyards, real soil, farms, making my way around to a new concept of 'patriotism' (from my thoughtful friend Jesse), me speaking bad French (did I call O. Cousin's wife his son??), but understanding French in a way that I missed, a way that felt like a wave of the whole language coming back to me, not single words but a whole rich-gravy onrush that I used to know.

I feel like I am on the right path. And in my most rambly of ways today I think I have come around to it-- I am looking for the moments when the candles are blown out after Christmas eve dinner, the smell of baking spices, smoke hanging in the air, coffee steam, shifting embers in a fireplace, hush. I want the real things, I don't want the fancy talk, I want the grains, the essential parts of this life. I want the pure ingredients-- the cinnamon bark, the prickly pear cactus, the small french melons, the creosote, the tobacco, the mica, the limestone, the chalk, pine-resin, the freshly mown hay.

Thank you Jenny and Shane, and everyone else, thank you winemakers who brought real earth with you, who brought live things to us, bejeweled things in bottles that are alive.


Some Notes:

(Wines I poured yesterday):
Courtois VdP de Sologne 'Quartz' 2008
Nadia Lusseau's Cotes de Duras 'Haut-la-Vigne' 2009
Plageoles' Gaillac 'Ondenc' 2008
Domaine de la Tournelle 'Terre des Gryphees' 2007 Chard, and 'Fleur de Savagnin' 2007
Estezargues Cotes du Rhone white 'Les Grands Vins' 2009
Chemins de Bassac VdP Cts de Thongue 'Isa' 2009
Binner 'Muscat' 2008, 'Riesling Katzenthal' '08, Grand Cru Riesling 'Schlossberg''04

Surprise at the sugary pear spice and perfume of the 100% Sauvingnon Blanc 'Quartz', the meticulous restraint of Domaine de la Tournelle, both Chard and Savagnin (god knows I love Jura and oxidative wines), these were very precise and sat very well on the palate, no overbearing sharp notes, just hints of Jura nuttiness and beautiful lingering finish. While the Binner Schlossberg Riesling was obviously a stand-out, the Binner Muscat surprised me with its heady stone-fruit nose and then serious rooted/grounded backbone of minerality, a sort of tightly-packed backbone that really anchored the fruit.

The Plageoles 'Ondenc' was really something, and difficult to describe. As much as I love the image of father Robert Plageoles trolling through the forests around his home seeking out rare old vines, and forgotten varietals, I think that the wine stood up very well on its own, with really unique qualities; a slight cloudiness, slight sweet white fruit, pears, but something that reminded me of the forest floor. Maybe this was my imagination, as I became fixed on the idea of their family bistro in Gaillac that has old-vine specimens in formaldehyde jars lining the top of the walls.

The Bathers

They make in the twining tide the motions of birds.
Such are the cries, also, they exchange
In their nakedness that is soft as a bird's
Held in the hand, and as fragile and strange.

And the blue mirror entertains them till they take
The sea for another bird: the crumbling
Hush-hush where the gentlest waves break
About their voices would be his bright feathers blowing.

Only the dull shore refrains. But from this patient
Bird each, in the plumage of his choice,
Might learn the deep shapes and secret of flight

And the shore be merely a perch to which they might
Return. And the mirror turns serpent
And their only sun is swallowed up like a voice.

W.S. Merwin, The First Four Books of Poems, 155

sky

Most of my life I have just been looking for a quiet place to sit. It seems silly to write this. It seems so easy. But I don't think I had realized it until now. I have always had the calling... to be quiet, to be observant, to trace shadows on the wall. These are the things I was as a child. I think they grew into a sort of shyness. Being a writer is to be a watcher, an observer. If not watching from the sidelines, then I am called into awareness of my own movements in space, exactly at the moment(s) that I am making them.

It is difficult to pour the tea from the teapot and simultaneously trace the steam-trails that rise cloudy over my table. Difficult to drink the tea while naming concussive//successive hits of: //dry earth//desert sand//wet leaves//(each), as they break like waves into my awareness. It is inward to sit with hands cupped, (in-shape), and outward to gaze skyward, to translate the near shade of translucent blue arcing overhead. It is painful to switch so quickly from being prone to the world, (acted-upon), to become describer of these things felt. But this transition from soft body to clicking consciousness is one I am practicing-- burn-path tracery, knife-edge projection.

Mountain skies have a different color of blue-- a crystalline, watercolor wash of metallic and smoke that is not seen at lower altitudes. I am thinking of the blue sky in Boulder, CO as I write this. I am looking out of my window in Denver, CO and thinking that these two colors are close-- they are neighbors, they are adjacent. But the essential quality of the air is different, it is painted over our heads with a different brush. The weave is looser in Boulder air, the blue tightens around a smaller woven scaffold here.

I can be soft and peaceful looking out of the window here. I am relieved to return to myself in a quiet moment, to feel the stretch of my body through my clothes, to watch creeping sunspots alternate with shade. All the best things come from here. From the quiet space of 'here' afternoon. There is a ticking of clocks, a softness of rugs, a weight that means 'afternoon'. The washing machine hums and ticks, my tea expands into the pores of the hand-thrown earthenware cup. My fingers flutter in arcs and curlicues over the keyboard. The birds are hovering over a nest.

It doesn't matter exactly where I am sitting-- which town, which city, which home. What matters is the cloak of peace and introspection than I can make, a soft force-field expelled from my sitting form. (from the center of my sitting form, back against the couch, soft rug under my bare feet). It is hard to sit in this open space. I have become a receiver-- a ringing conduit: for energy, for memories, for spirit, for sound. I have become a malleable body that is porous. Sometimes it feels too open-- an old yoga teacher would tell us to be open like the sky. Sometimes in those states I would start to cry, feeling my body becoming translucent-- open to shifting winds, sun beams, open-woven like the sacred blue watercolor wash of wherever-sky smudged and shining overhead.

"Anavopaya is the means whereby the individual utilizes his own karanas or instruments as means for his transformation for Self-realization."
"In anavopaya, the senses, prana and manas are pressed into service."
(Pratyabhijnahrdayam, Jaideva Singh, 28)

repost: Marfa, TX

(old writing of mine: 6/2009, Marfa, TX)

This is a magical place to wake up. Windows open, birds calling from all sides. My yard backs up against the vastness of desert—when I water my plants in the morning, I get the smell of carob as the water hits the hard dry desert soil. The rosemary bushes have doubled in size since I moved in-- their tough skins and fleshy leaves have protected them through all hours of hot yellow sun.

When I water the tree with drooping leaves like a willow, the smell of wet dust rises up to my face. Here in the desert the smells are easily distinguishable, one from another—there is nothing between them in the air to confuse their origins. As I pour water into the dirt well of the tree I look down my block—one block from the edge of town—one block from an open vista of vast desert. It seems strange to go about daily business as if I did not have this piece of knowledge—a raised topographical sense that I am teetering precipitously on the edge of something wild and large.

On our block, perfectly gridded, there are houses facing a dusty street—the ocotillo cactus have orange blooms at the top, and the barn swallows swoop in elegant curlicues down from the wires, looking for nest sites. The hot smell of tomato leaves in the sun is another reason to get up early—to watch the slowest of births from green to yellow flower- to what? I haven’t seen any farther just yet—all of my exotic heirloom tomato seeds died in the withering heat of the laundry room.

There is a purity to the air here—a lack of sensory noise—a dryness and sparcity made of sagebrush, wet creosote, rosemary leaves, and wet earth. To me it feels like a place where I can be anything—a brain of clicking wires, a soft body, a capable body. I feel like the mechanizations of my thought are visible here. I can wake up in the morning, replay the nagging shard of an awkward interaction last night, but can move past it, somehow, by getting back to the soil. I turn around this morning and bury the incident in wet dirt. I can breathe it back into the wind that whips around dry bushes in the field. I can open myself to the sky like the overnight cactus bloom-- a bruised and torn blossom that appeared one morning, sprung up the sides of the fingered (widow?) cactus outside the back door.

Marfa is not a difficult place to write about, the difficulty lies in watching yourself act in such stripped and bare bones of a way-- in unshaded outlines of movement and thought.

Marfa is a beautiful filament of a place, a facetted piece of quartz or clear stone, a central point that focuses and frames light. It is a lens, like the shard of heavy glass that I found on my first week here; packed with dirt on one side, shining green in the window dusk of falling afternoon.

Binner 'Les Saveurs' (Riesling, Sylvaner, Auxerrois, Gewurztraminer & Pinot Gris field blend), 2012

Instant nostalgia. Smells. Like. Home.
Lean chalk brightness and lemon seeds on nose, fresh so ALIVE.

Smells like cut lemons, bottom note on end of palate holds together brioche (?), pound cake, curd.

Light light golden yellow, no orange. Tiny bubbles.
Unfiltered-- tiny spun sediment, clear gold.

Lemon sediment.
Smells like walking down West Street in Greenpoint on a Sunday morning....(!)
Still tang of early morning air-- alpine restraint, high altitude purity.
Particles of sun in my glass, lemon laced with powdered sugar on nose.
Glycerin + stones.
CHALK.
Tastes like still Vertus or Cramant, but more citrus leanness, soft ferocity, serious restraint (with the grapes used).
No hint of honey or cider or wax... CRYSTALLINE.
Nostalgic stained glass window, no color.
Hint of honey nose, vibrating field of alive & tension!

'Boisson vivant', 'Le Grand Clere' Cabernet Franc 2011, Francois Blanchard

Black tar, cloves. Cassis on nose, no sugar. Blackberry jam, smoke. Perfume and smoke opening up within parameters. Black tea/oolong. More structure & tar than licorice/smoke over stones.

Clears palate, purple perfume, cassis jam. Sitting and drinking with my sweet younger brother Andy: "Tastes like the earth that its grown in." 

Mineral tartness. Black stone/ drying on palate like Italian wine. Smells like Piedmont. Blackberry + LEMON. Acidity but doesn't cut through all, well-balanced, TART.

Orange pith, sour juice, so well rounded. Seamed at edges/cocoa/sweet/tart. Almost Bardolino or Dolcetto. "Herbal licorice" "mustardy", garrigue, dry, dusty bookshop! 

Black tea, ROSE

Blackberry compote and cocoa powder.