Psalm by Aleksander Wat

I ponder you in clamor and in silence
Tracking you through the course of time, like game,
To see: are you my much sought-after falcon?
Should I kill you? Or kneel down and pray.

For faith's sake or the sake of denial,
Stubborn I search for you, and uselessly.
Of all my dreams you are the lovliest
And I daren't shake the sky to let you fall.

As if reflected in the flow of water
Sometimes you seem to be and sometimes not;
I've glimpsed you in the stars, among the fish
Like the wild bull when he is taking water.

And now, us two alone, in your great story
I stay to match myself again with you,
Without my wanting to emerge the victor.
I want to touch you and to shout: 'He is!'

(translated by Bantas and Perry)

a time of friendship

The train was late because the hot-box under one of the coaches had caught fire in the middle of the great flat field covered with snow. (paul bowles, 194)

clarity, color, and bliss

From the tantric point of view, whenever we open our mind and senses to the objective world, our perception is always related to a particular color. And each color that we perceive-- blue, red, green and so on-- is directly related to what is happening in our internal world. That is why the practice of tantra, with its visualization of deities and so forth, color and light play such an important part.

To give an idea of what I mean, let us consider the color blue again. As I said, the particular inner quality of radiant blue light is freedom from fantasy projections. If these projections are very strong-- when, for example, we are so caught up in ourselves that we cannot break out of depression-- then even on a perfectly clear day we are unable to see the blueness of the sky. All we see is greyness. This definitely happens and, along with the experience of seeing red when angry or being green with jealousy, shows the close relationship between color and states of mind. ('clear spaciousness of mind', introduction to tantra) 78

after-break (next)

1. The Emperor
2. Wealth
3. Dominion
4. Princess of Wands
5. The Devil
6. The Hierophant
7. Ace of Wands
8. Art
9. Victory
10. Truce
11. (The Aeon)

new thing

Crafted:
we are still malleable,
we forget that even our thoughts are woven out of oldness,
old spun webs and brittle threads.

New springs and coils impinge like ferns in the undergrowth, twined,
But how much can we leave fallen behind us,
slow-decay, soft carpet, detritus.

Anne Sexton, from 'Rowing'

I wore rubies and bought tomatoes
and now, in my middle age,
about nineteen in the head I'd say,
I am rowing, I am rowing
though the oarlocks stick and are rusty
and the sea blinks and rolls
like a worried eyeball,
but I am rowing, I am rowing,
though the wind pushes me back
and I know that the island will not be perfect,
it will have the flaws of life,
the absurdities of the dinner table,
bu there will be a door
and I will open it
and I will get rid of the rat inside of me,
the gnawing pestilential rat.
God will take it with his two hands
and embrace it.

As the African says:
This is my tale which I have told,
if it be sweet, if it not be sweet,
take somewhere else and let some return to me.
This story ends with me still rowing.

sahara

"I shall always remember how, as we left the station, I lifted my left hand to see the time by my wrist-watch, and rode into the desert. Time was of enormous importance on the railway; and so was one's luggage, and there was speed and noise there, among other worries; but in the desert there was only sunrise and sunset to notice, and noon, when all the animals slept and the gazelles were not to be found." (Lord Dunsany, Patches of Sunlight)